Tales from the Dating Trenches: Send Me Your War Stories

Send me your dating war stories! Tell me about the worst date you've ever been on, some crazy experience, relationship from hell, or anything you've learned along the way. What I'd like to do is draft your stories to become part of the blog - and I promise - names of the not-so-innocent will be protected!

Send your dating war stories to deanafication@hotmail.com.

Eau du Desperation

Desperation. That is the scent the women were wearing at my latest attempt to find a man. But at least Desperation was better than the scent the men were wearing, which was Eau du Lame.

Yes, my friends, I embarked on the lowest form of dating known to man. No, I didn't hook up with a guy from Craigslist... but, I did go...

SPEED DATING.

It sounded so hopeful. Sounded like it could be fun. And it took place in my native habitat, a wine bar.

The advertisement showed happy, attractive singles mingling and chatting... guaranteed or your next event is free! College degree required, ages 27-35.

I went with my dear friend and fellow blogger Alison, and when we arrived we were greeted by a Phoebe from Friends lookalike, who was wearing a fur vest. She signed us in and we proceeded to go to the bar to grab a glass of wine, and met up with some other friends. The group of girls and I peeked out the window and saw a group of misfits awkwardly waiting around, and we took another sip of wine and knew that our dreams of meeting Mr. Right - or heck, even Mr. Right Now - were smashed once again. Might as well get drunk and make a night of it.

The set up was this: each girl was sitting at her own table, and every five minutes a new guy would come to your table and talk. After five minutes, they guys would rotate. Everyone had a paper and you either circled "yes" or "no" about whether or not you were interested in the person. After the event, you turn in your paper and are notified of any mutual matches. Sigh. I didn't even turn my paper in. It was that bad.

There were nine girls - all really nice and attractive (ok, one was way beyond 35... but at least she had the balls to get out there!) and any guy would've been lucky to have gotten a date with them. The men, however, well... I don't want to be mean. But let's just say that I'd have had better luck at finding a date trolling a McDonald's parking lot and luring men with a box of wine. Nuff said.

I was polite to all the men. I engaged in nice conversation. I asked them questions. Karma is a bitch that way... if I would've been rude, then who knows how it would've come back to me.

So, the bottom line is this: Speed dating is not the way to meet men. But, it was a good entertaining time, and I'm glad that I gave it a try. I could've just sat at home with my parents catching up on shows that were on the DVR, but I didn't.

DIAGNOSIS: Spinster

The only saying is true: there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if I learned anything in 2009 it's that I have no problem getting a date; I just have a problem keeping one. I can catch a fish like no other... it just seems that either I throw them overboard or they jump out of the boat before dinner.

Deana-Fication Fashion Soap Box: Invest in a Little Black Dress

Coco Chanel was right - every woman needs to have a little black dress (LBD)in her closet. It's the go-to event outfit that can be dressed up or down and let's be honest, black is a girl's best friend when it comes to looking her best.

Last year I bought one and I've worn it to a few events, and guess what, I'm going to wear it to even more. Yes, there are photos of me floating around in the same outfit, but in this recession, I think it shows the mark of a smart fashionista.

So this holiday season before you run to the mall to buy that New Year's dress or the work Christmas party outfit, check your closet. If you have a LBD, pull it out and look at what shoes and jewelry you have. Why spend another $100+ if you don't have to? You'd be amazed how different a dress looks by changing up your shoes or adding a different necklace... or even wearing your hair differently.

If you don't have a LBD, now's the time to get one. Get one in a timeless and flattering cut, but keep it young and fresh. Get something of quality since you'll have it for a long time.

The 2009 Deana-Fication Recession Awards! Pt 1

The First Annual Deana-Fication Recession Awards are awarded to products, places, people, and trends of the Great Recession. To qualify, the award winner must have been a "replacement" for another item or place and cost less but still be comparable to the original. These are products or activities I have switched to in the last year.

Best Shampoo and Conditioner
In the past I was an Aveda junkie. But I recently tried Avon Techniques shampoos and conditioners, and my hair has never looked better!
http://shop.avon.com/shop/product.aspx?pf_id=36965

Best Skin Care Line
In the past, I was a skin care junkie. Dermalogica, anything from a spa, you name it, I tried it. But when my wallet went dry I returned to a tried and true moisturizer that I used back in the day, and it's just as good - if not better - than the more expensive brands.

Olay Complete Moisturizer
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=17074&catid=21503

and the best cleanser is

Olay Total Effects Anti-blemish, Anti-aging Cleanser
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=151042&catid=21234

Best Body Lotion
Jergens Skin Firming Body Lotion
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=156056&catid=10394

Best Foundation
Loreal True Match
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=138996&catid=107415&cmbProdBrandFilter=42837

Best Mascara
Covergirl Lash Blast
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=181952&catid=98577&cmbProdBrandFilter=53667

Best Salon
The Mane Event, Ramona, CA - $20 for a cut

Best Clothing Store
-Tie-
Kohls
New York and Company - with a coupon

Cheapest Drinks
Molly Molones, Ramona, CA - $1.50 Drink Night

Sushi
Eda-Mami, Del Mar, CA - 5-7 daily happy hour, rolls 50% off

Cheapest Entertainment
Santa Ysabel Casino - Santa Ysabel, CA
$4.95 prime rib dinner, and plenty of $5 black jack tables

Best Place to Live
Parents' house - Ramona, CA
Can't beat the free rent


Stay tuned for more awards as we count down to the end of 2009

Where Are You?

So I was at cocktail party the other night with my sister and some of her coworkers when I saw my phone was ringing.

I looked and saw it was my mother.

"Hello?" I said.

"Deana, where are you?" my mom said.

"What do you mean?"

"It's 7:00 pm, are you still at work?"

I shake my head. "Uh, no Mom. I told you I was going to a happy hour thing after work."

"Oh, I must've forgot. We've been sitting here waiting for you to come home so we can eat dinner."

When my phone conversation ended, a few people were looking at me.

"Yes, that was my mother wondering why I wasn't home for dinner..."

Blog ReBranding

Wowza - I can't believe the last time I blogged was in September. And now it's November. How time flies!

When you last heard from me, I was single, unemployed and living with my parents. Since then, I'm still single and living with my parents, but I am no longer unemployed. Yes, fans, I got myself a J-O-B. Holla back!

And now, when people ask me why I'm living with my parents, I will no longer say it's because I'm living on the government's dime and can't afford to live anywhere else... now, I can say it's because "I'm saving up to buy a house." Which is true... but in the San Diego market, how long will that take?