DIAGNOSIS: Spinster

The only saying is true: there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if I learned anything in 2009 it's that I have no problem getting a date; I just have a problem keeping one. I can catch a fish like no other... it just seems that either I throw them overboard or they jump out of the boat before dinner.

Deana-Fication Fashion Soap Box: Invest in a Little Black Dress

Coco Chanel was right - every woman needs to have a little black dress (LBD)in her closet. It's the go-to event outfit that can be dressed up or down and let's be honest, black is a girl's best friend when it comes to looking her best.

Last year I bought one and I've worn it to a few events, and guess what, I'm going to wear it to even more. Yes, there are photos of me floating around in the same outfit, but in this recession, I think it shows the mark of a smart fashionista.

So this holiday season before you run to the mall to buy that New Year's dress or the work Christmas party outfit, check your closet. If you have a LBD, pull it out and look at what shoes and jewelry you have. Why spend another $100+ if you don't have to? You'd be amazed how different a dress looks by changing up your shoes or adding a different necklace... or even wearing your hair differently.

If you don't have a LBD, now's the time to get one. Get one in a timeless and flattering cut, but keep it young and fresh. Get something of quality since you'll have it for a long time.

The 2009 Deana-Fication Recession Awards! Pt 1

The First Annual Deana-Fication Recession Awards are awarded to products, places, people, and trends of the Great Recession. To qualify, the award winner must have been a "replacement" for another item or place and cost less but still be comparable to the original. These are products or activities I have switched to in the last year.

Best Shampoo and Conditioner
In the past I was an Aveda junkie. But I recently tried Avon Techniques shampoos and conditioners, and my hair has never looked better!
http://shop.avon.com/shop/product.aspx?pf_id=36965

Best Skin Care Line
In the past, I was a skin care junkie. Dermalogica, anything from a spa, you name it, I tried it. But when my wallet went dry I returned to a tried and true moisturizer that I used back in the day, and it's just as good - if not better - than the more expensive brands.

Olay Complete Moisturizer
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=17074&catid=21503

and the best cleanser is

Olay Total Effects Anti-blemish, Anti-aging Cleanser
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=151042&catid=21234

Best Body Lotion
Jergens Skin Firming Body Lotion
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=156056&catid=10394

Best Foundation
Loreal True Match
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=138996&catid=107415&cmbProdBrandFilter=42837

Best Mascara
Covergirl Lash Blast
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=181952&catid=98577&cmbProdBrandFilter=53667

Best Salon
The Mane Event, Ramona, CA - $20 for a cut

Best Clothing Store
-Tie-
Kohls
New York and Company - with a coupon

Cheapest Drinks
Molly Molones, Ramona, CA - $1.50 Drink Night

Sushi
Eda-Mami, Del Mar, CA - 5-7 daily happy hour, rolls 50% off

Cheapest Entertainment
Santa Ysabel Casino - Santa Ysabel, CA
$4.95 prime rib dinner, and plenty of $5 black jack tables

Best Place to Live
Parents' house - Ramona, CA
Can't beat the free rent


Stay tuned for more awards as we count down to the end of 2009

Where Are You?

So I was at cocktail party the other night with my sister and some of her coworkers when I saw my phone was ringing.

I looked and saw it was my mother.

"Hello?" I said.

"Deana, where are you?" my mom said.

"What do you mean?"

"It's 7:00 pm, are you still at work?"

I shake my head. "Uh, no Mom. I told you I was going to a happy hour thing after work."

"Oh, I must've forgot. We've been sitting here waiting for you to come home so we can eat dinner."

When my phone conversation ended, a few people were looking at me.

"Yes, that was my mother wondering why I wasn't home for dinner..."

Blog ReBranding

Wowza - I can't believe the last time I blogged was in September. And now it's November. How time flies!

When you last heard from me, I was single, unemployed and living with my parents. Since then, I'm still single and living with my parents, but I am no longer unemployed. Yes, fans, I got myself a J-O-B. Holla back!

And now, when people ask me why I'm living with my parents, I will no longer say it's because I'm living on the government's dime and can't afford to live anywhere else... now, I can say it's because "I'm saving up to buy a house." Which is true... but in the San Diego market, how long will that take?

Raining Cats and Dogs

The other day I was telling my parents that I want a puppy, a kitten, and a new horse. To all of which they said, Hell No, and if I brought any of the above home I would find an eviction notice tacked to the door of my room. Sigh.

When they said that I responded, "Well, what would happen if we were all sitting outside and a hawk flew by and dropped a kitten at our feet. Would you let me keep it?"

My parents rolled their eyes and shook their heads.

"And what happens if a nice horse just happened to run up our driveway, with its papers tied around its neck, ready to show."

To that they responded, "Whatever, Deana."

I know that wish sounds crazy, but it's actually possible. We have a hawk family living on our property, and they could swoop up a kitten and a puppy from someplace and drop it here. And a cow that ran away from the rodeo ran up our driveway one time and literally jumped into our pasture. That's how we got Juanita the cow. So, the horse story is not out of the question.

Yesterday my mom and I were out in the barn and she saw something ruffling in the bushes. "What's that?" she said.

So I went over to the bush. And guess what I saw.

A kitten.

"Mom, it's a kitten!!!"

My mom came over to see. "How did a kitten get here?"

"The hawk must've dropped it." I said.

The kitten was scarred and wouldn't let us pet her, but she wasn't wild. We fed her and she ate. Poor thing was so hungry.

"I swear, Mom. I didn't plant this kitten here! Now, just don't be surprised if the hawks drop a cute puppy next!"

So, looks like I have a new kitten. I have decided to name her Tonya. I hope my other cat Gwen doesn't mind too much!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, The Unemployed Life For Me!

Okay, so I was afraid this was going to happen.

I am officially liking being unemployed.

Pros

- I sleep better
- I look better
- I'm so much happier
- I do fun things
- I hang out with more people
- Sacramento has released my soul
- Suddenly it's not a bad thing to drink a lot on Sunday... or even Tuesday nights
- More cheap blackjack tables are open during the day
- My parents are fun to chill with and they're out of town a lot
- Coupons are fun
- Dive bars are cool, especially when the drinks are $1.50 ... and you feel like you fit in with the other locals... which may or may not be a good thing considering it's a Wednesday night.

Cons

- $950 every two weeks only goes so far... but that's when you gotta bust out the coupons

He's Just Not That Into You

Being a single, sassy twenty something, I have had my fair share of dating and relationships. Yes, I have read (and agree) with the books "He's Just Not That Into You" and "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken," and I am not one who cries over spilled perfume or gets attached easily. If it's not going to happen, whatever, I'll move on. Next!

The thing about relationships - and this is what bothers me the most - that it is the MAN that determines whether or not a relationship will go anywhere. I have experienced this time and time again, and the most annoying thing about it is that as a woman, it's frustrating. I don't like not having the full control over something. And generally, in the case of being rejected, I don't feel bad because I was totally into the guy... I feel bad because it was completely out of my hands!

Yeah, yeah, you say.... whatever, Deana. You're wrong. But think about it... it's true.

Guys will decided within the first few dates what category you fall into. Whether it be girlfriend material, or casual plaything. And, guys, like pets, lose interest in things rather easily... and if they lose interest for a second - they're done, and move on to the next. And, of course, for men, the NEXT thing is seriously waiting around the corner.

But of course, I say this not bitterly, but rather educatedly. I think if you date knowing this, you'll save yourself from a lot of heartache. Girls shouldn't take "rejection" personally. In fact, as I mentioned before, it's not really about the girl - it's about the guy.

So if a guy is ready for a relationship, and he wants one with you... he'll let you know. And you'll know. But if he's not ready, or doesn't feel it, he'll let you know that, too. Now the way you figure it out tells you a lot about the type of guy he is (generally, if you don't hear from them in awhile, it's not going to happen... but it's the waiting that is a pain, because as women, we tend to want to believe the best in people and the situation, and will come up with all sorts of excuses in our minds about why we haven't heard from them... when the cold hard truth is because he's over it!). And if he jerks you around, then we can call my cousin Milosh and he'll take care of it.

Anywhoo... I hear DoucheBag Island is filling up fast, so ladies, if you have a guy who needs a house there, you better get rid of him quick before he misses the boat there. And if that makes no sense to you... listen to your gut feeling about all things. Even the littlest inkling that it's not going to work out is usually a sign that you need to move on, and for once, be able to head him off at the pass before you're the one waiting by the phone wondering what's up.

The Douche Bag Mafia

The Douche Bag Mafia has my number... and they keep calling. When once douche fails to dupe me, they just send another one in. Don't they realize that while yes, I am a douche bag magnet, I don't fall for douchebaggery?

I'd rather be single then settle for some guy who loves to play games. One thing I learned is that the Douche Bag Mafia doesn't discriminate when it recruits its members, which makes them sometimes difficult to identify - young, old, etc... I wish that once a member is identified, they would be forced to wear a scarlet letter "D" on their shirt at all times. That would save women a whole lot of time and effort.

The way I see it... what good man doesn't want a 26 year old unemployed woman who lives with her parents and secretly hopes that she can marry well so that she doesn't have to get a real job? Why am I only attracting those that are less than stellar?

It's Been Awhile...

Yes, fans. It's been forever since I've blogged. But the wait is now over...

Yesterday was a little out of the ordinary for me. Number one, I took a shower. Number two, I left Ramona - twice.

My day consisted of riding horses, shopping with my mom and my grandma, and then going out to a karaoke bar with my sister and friend.

Note, being broke and dieting are the two hardest things for me. Taking me shopping without the ability to buy or taking me to a restaurant or bar without being able to eat or drink is like giving a gambling addict twenty dollars and locking them in a casino and telling them they can't gamble. It's sheer torture! And we all know how I dislike suffering.

While at the mall, of course, everything was cute and on sale nonetheless. And since I'm dieting, I'm down a size, so clothes look that much better. Oh, the irony! Luckily, I had some work clothes I bought awhile ago that I needed to return to a store, so using store credit and a coupon, I was able to buy some new clothes. Since I'm retired from working, my clothes are much more fun and casual. Or, they're for nights out on the town.

While at the bar, I'm proud to say that I didn't drink any alcohol! I stuck to diet coke. Of course - and this is totally true - at least three different random guys came up to our table and offered to buy us drinks. The lush in me wanted badly to get a gin and tonic, but I was strong. "Diet Coke, please," was my response. Sadly, this did hamper my karaoke urges, but that's okay. I can only sing Take My Drink Away (my drunk version of "Take My Breath Away"), Black Velvet, and the hardest Celine Dion songs (the more I drink, the more I'm convinced those notes sound good) so many times in my life I suppose.

Does this mean that I'm growing up? Has being unemployed changed me?

Fitness for the Unemployed

It's been a bit since I've last blogged. I've been super busy the first week that I've been back... you know, hanging out with my parents, riding horses, swimming in the pool, unpacking, going to happy hour, and job hunting. Now that I've gotten through that tough transition week, I decided that the week was to begin on a positive note. And that meant working out and getting serious about dieting.

A few months ago I had decided to join Gold's Gym. It was right by my old place, so it was super convenient. I paid the entire year in full because it was a significant savings. And I figured if it was paid for, I'd make myself go.

Fast forward to me being unemployed and moving back to Ramona. Gold's Gym would not refund my money, and the closest Golds Gyms near me are 45 minutes (without traffic) away.

Those of you who know me well know that working out is not on my list of favorite things to do. Now add a 45 minute drive to the mix and see if I'm gonna be going often. No, I don't think so. And since I'm unemployed and on "welfare," buying another gym membership is out of the question.

So, I decided that I need to do some sort of free exercise. Riding horses and swimming is a good start, but my fabulous cousin, Sara, and I decided that hiking was the way to go and decided to hike Mt. Woodson this morning.

I've never hiked Mt. Woodson before, and when I told my sister that I was going to do it she laughed uncontrollably. "Call me when you're done. No, actually, have Mom call me when you're done."

I arrived at Mt. "What the Hell Was I Thinking" this morning at 9 am. My cousin was waiting for me and we began out trek up the mountain. Thankfully there was a breeze and it wasn't too hot.

I have one word to describe the trail : STEEP.

When Sara and I get together, it is usually an occasion of gossip and laughing. However, this time, I was dying all the way up, and we had to stop every few minutes to catch our breath. It was seriously that steep and tough!

Let's just say that we didn't make it all the way.

But we made it a good portion.

We finished a steep bend and rested on some rocks.

"By summer's end, we'll make it all the way to the top!" Sara said.

"Uhhh...." I said, gasping for air.

"We'll laugh at this in a few months," she continued. "It'll get easier! And to sweeten the pot, I'll take you out for drinks the day we make it to the top of the Mountain."

I perked up. Booze.

"For reals?" I said, my heart rate returning to normal.

"Yes!"

"But this means we'll really have to work at this," I said. "We can't expect to gain stamina for this place by hiking once in awhile."

"Let's hike Mt. Woodson once a week. And then another, less steep trail another day of the week."

"Sounds good to me!"

So, Sara and I will be hiking twice a week. Once on Mt. Crazy, and the other on a trail that she says "has hills, but not a continuous steepness."

Housewife University - Apprentice Program

I know of a lot of people who are either thinking about going back to school or are in the process of getting their Master's degrees.

Not one to be outdone by my peers, I have recently enrolled in the prestigious Apprentice Program at Housewife University, pursuing my Masters in Domestic Engineering (MDE).

Housewife U is going great so far. The program allows you to shadow a professional so you can learn first-hand about this profession.

So far, I've gotten a passing score in Dishes 101. My professor, Dr. Mom, showed me how to properly load the dishwasher, and wipe the counter tops clean. I hear that she's the toughest grader out there... so imagine my surprise this morning when I actually got a passing grade.

Tomorrow, I'm taking "Jam Making and Canning 105." Dr. Mom's neighbor has a peach tree, and gave us a bucket full of peaches. Tomorrow's lesson is making jam and canning. This could be useful if I take a liking to the gardening portion of the program.

Bank of the Parental Units

So my parents have offered to pay off all my credit cards, and allow me to pay them back without interest. For those of you have have credit card debt, you know that the interest payments add up over time.

However, this deal required me to fess up about exactly how much was on the credit cards. Not that it's an extraordinary amount, but still, the fact that it's there showed that I spent more than I should have. I told my mom the number, and she said OK.

A bit ago I called my parents, who were on their way to go wine tasting in Temecula, to tell them about a horse I wanted, and my dad said (with his Serbian accent), "No horses. No nothing. You can't buy anything for a few years. By the way, I'm your new money manager. Everything you buy must now go through me. You will live under instruction."

Ohhhhh helllsss nooo.

"So, uh, I guess you talked to Mom," I said.

My fingers are crossed that when they pay off my cards they'll just look at the dollar amount, and not go through the transaction list and see everything I have bought.

I can only imagine that conversation.

The Harsh Reality

Leave it to my mother to give me a slap of reality so early in the morning. This morning I was chatting with her on the phone, and I was telling her about one of my favorite shows, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. In the last episode, one of the housewives, Caroline, had a personal trainer come to her house three times a week to work out with her and her kids.

The conversation took place as we were discussing where we were going to put all my furniture. We were figuring out where we were going to move all the gym equipment if I had to put my furniture in the "gym" aka, my sister's old room.

"Mom, on Real Housewives, Caroline has a trainer come a few times a week. We should totally hire one, too." I said.

"Deana. You're on welfare." she said.

"Unemployment..." I corrected her.

"Do you think that moving here will be like going away to a spa for you? I don't think so. You're broke. And you're going to do chores this summer."

And with that, I was bitch-slapped back into reality.

And no, we're not going to hire a personal trainer. Damn recession.

Weekly Score Card

Jobs Applied to: 7 or 8, I have lost track
Calls Back: 0
Interviews:0

HouseSingle

Housewives are fabulous woman who for one reason or another stay at home (taking care of the house, and children if they have any) while their husbands are at work.

Now that I'm unemployed and staying at home all day, I'm basically a housewife without a husband or kids. I think that makes me a "HouseSingle."

HouseSingles have it made. Usually there are not kids, and you get to stay home. And, you don't have a husband to complain that you didn't go to work. Granted, HouseSingles like myself do have to deal with their parents (or roommates, as I like to refer to them).

But, HouseSingles don't have a husband's income to depend on. No worries, though. Nanny Government has me covered. On I Love Lucy (which conveniently still runs on TV during the day), Ricky Ricardo used to give Lucy an allowance, and now Nanny Government gives me an "allowance." So, it's almost the same thing.

Back in the day, when women didn't work, a woman who was a HouseSingle was referred to as a Spinster. Now, I much prefer the term HouseSingle to spinster. And since I'm beginning to edge closer to thirty without any husband prospects, the term spinster gets scarier and scarier.

Note that I do not own a cat. Well, we have a family cat (her name is Gwen), but she lives in the barn and minds her own business.

Coffee Filters and One Liners

This morning I woke up after a night of hard partying with my Sactown homies (I was out until 11:30, way past my bedtime) in need of coffee. Big time. Mama didn't mess around when it came to drinking her Gin last night.

I grabbed the bag of coffee filters and realized that only a few were left. Shoot, I thought. How many coffee filters do I have left? Will they make it through the week?

Here's the thing. When I had a job, I would drink coffee at the office, and only really brew coffee on the weekends. That damn bag of coffee filters has pulled me through since I lived in my Trinity 'Hood condo with you-know-who. Why, oh why, was that bag going to fail me now! Especially when we were in the home stretch, and so close to the finish line.

I counted them.

And from the looks of things, after Tuesday, I'll be filterless. As in, I'm-not-going-to-go-to-the- store-to-buy-a-bag-of-coffee-filters-when-I'm-moving-on-Saturday, and my parents have a never ending supply at their house.

Soap Operas

I just want to say that since I have been unemployed, I have not watched soap operas once. NOT once. Last thing I need right now is a soap habit. Drinking was hard enough to give up (err..cut back), but soaps are ever harder. And the only time I watched a crappy daytime talk show (The View and Regis and Kelly don't count... they're morning talk shows. Quite different from daytime talk shows.) was while I was at the gym. I swear.

*Disclaimer

Yes, I used to watch soaps when I was a kid. Only because my mom watched them. The sad thing is that I can watch them now and the same damn thing is going on as it was back in the day. Once you get sucked in, it's hard to give them up. Took me four years of working to get over them.

Also, did you know that I was born during General Hospital? Fun Deana fact.

Sacramento: The Character Building Years

As my time in Sactown comes to a close, I can't help but think back about what has transpired over the past four years.

I arrived in Sacramento four years ago. Young, naive, and in love. I had never lived without my parent's support, and this was the first time I was officially out on my own. I had decided to take a chance on love, and moved up here for... gasp... a man. Silly girl. Oh, sweet, silly girl with stars in her eyes.

Graduating from college and trying to find a job in a city where I had no contacts or friends was tough, but I was lucky enough to find a great first job - and I'll be forever thankful for the wonderful opportunity. In fact, minus the layoff, Sacramento was good for me, career-wise. Thanks, Sactown.

If I could go back in time to talk to 22 year old Deana as she was making the decision to move to Sacramento, I would say this:

DV 26: Young Deana, you're crazy. Stay home and be a good girl.

DV 22: Is that a grey hair I see?

DV 26: Yes, and never mind that.

DV 22: What is Sacramento like?

DV 26: It's not bad. You hate traffic, so this is a good place for you. Rent is cheap, too, compared with SoCal.

DV 22: Should I buy that condo with "You Know Who?" (I won't name names of the guilty in this blog! That's saved for the other blog... the one I only write when I'm drinking.)

DV 26: I forget that you're living in 2005, and the housing boom is in full swing. Hard as it is to believe, the market is going to crash soon. Don't buy. Especially in August of 2005. Don't do it!!

DV 22: Whatever, what do you know? This market is never going to crash. "You Know Who" and I just qualified for a loan - even though I don't even have a job - and we don't have to put anything down. We've already got our deposit in, so we're going to buy that condo, damn it. We're not even going to negotiate, because if we waiver, there are 5 people behind us who'll snatch it up. Got to act fast in this market, baby. If we wait, the next place we find will be even more expensive and we'll be priced out for good.

DV 26: Shouldn't you wait to buy something until you're engaged? I HIGHLY suggest it. HIGHLY. In fact, don't move in together until you have more of a commitment. Seriously.

DV 22: "You Know Who" promises we'll be engaged by our anniversary. If not, I'm leaving him. But we're so in love and I know he will. I might as well start planning the wedding. If not, we'll just sell the condo. By that time, it should have appreciated nicely and we'll make a bunch of money. No harm, no foul.

DV 26: You see this grey hair?

DV 22: How could I not. How come you don't have highlights anymore?

DV 26: Highlights are too expensive. You'll find that out when your parents are no longer supporting you. And when you find yourself single and 100% on your own.

DV 22: Uh... girl. Why are you single? What happened to "You Know Who."

DV 26: You'll find out soon enough. Two words for you: Cougargate 2007.

DV 22: Whatever. So, like, what else should I know before I leave for Sacramento?

DV 26: You'll make some good friends up there, and it's important to always be thankful. Always remember your family is there for you and loves you. Friends and family will pull you through the hard times. Also, driving in the rain isn't so bad. You'll get used to it.

DV 22: You're looking pretty tan and relaxed. And why do you smell like whisky?

DV 26: That's because I'm back in San Diego and unemployed.

The Weekly Score Card

Weeks unemployed: 1

Jobs Applied to: 6

Calls back: 0

Interview: 0

Chapters written: 1

Movers and Shakers

I've decided to dish out the cash to have movers come and get my things and take them to my parent's house in Ramona. It actually doesn't cost very much more than if my parents were to drive all the way up here, rent a large U-haul, and then drive back.

Pros

- I don't have to schlep furniture up and down the stairs. Physical labor and I don't get along. Come on now.
- All I really have to do is pack.
- The movers will come and pick everything up, drive the 8 hours, and then unload everything.
- Costs about the same as if we were to do it ourselves.
- I won't be fighting with my parents as we load/unload everything. Trust me... that in itself is worth the money!

Cons

-None that I can think of, unless of course they take my stuff and disappear. Which they promise they wont. Yes, I asked.

Hard Candy Christmas

I was singing on Myspace Karaoke (don't judge), and came across a great song that I remember from the musical movie "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" staring Dolly Parton. If you haven't seen this movie, rent it ASAP. This is also the movie where the hit "I Will Always Love You" originally came from.

The song "Hard Candy Christmas" is my new theme song. Here's the set up: The Whorehouse has been shut down, so Dolly (the madam) had to give all her working girls pink slips. So, the song starts as the newly unemployed (theme here...) whores try to figure out what they're going to do now that they've lost their jobs. If my life was really a musical, this is probably the song I would've sang while driving home after getting the ax at work...

Oddly enough, this song now hits the radio during Christmas season. I guess anything with the word Christmas in it makes it a Christmas song. But, it's not a Christmas song. It's the anthem of unemployed woman.

Here's the song and video clip from the movie. Enjoy!

Packing Isn't Fun

Countdown to moving back to Ramona is in full swing. While I don't know the exact date I'm moving, I know that my apartment must be completely vacated by June 26, so moving will be sometime before then.

Yesterday I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy storage containers and packing items. I got a few boxes of space bags for my clothes, a bunch of containers, and a nifty little device called "Shoes Under." I can fit 12 pairs of shoes in each shoe under, and I bought two of them. I'm not sure if that will hold all my shoes, but we'll see.

One thing I learned at Bed, Bath, and Beyond is that everyone has their own problems. While shopping in the storage section, there was a lady on the phone yelling at her husband. She was probably in her late 20's/early 30's. Then she called her friend to complain about her husband. Then, she turned to me (as I was trying to find a lid to a plastic container that wasn't broken, talk about quality products!) and started complaining to me about her husband and how he doesn't understand why she has so many shoes and how it's causing problems int he marriage.

Uh... lady, there are bigger problems out there then not having enough shoe storage.

She said men don't understand anything. I had to agree. I didn't elaborate, of course. But those of you who know my dating history know that I can write an entire blog on commitment and other men/relationship issues. But that's another blog for another day. Another day that includes a box of wine and several dateless months, but I digress...

I simply smiled and nodded. I should've pointed her to the "Shoe Under" display, but didn't want to get into it with her. She didn't seem the type who was looking for advice and I wasn't in the mood to give out free words of wisdom.

So, this weekend I went through all my clothes and set aside all the clothes and shoes I don't want and will be donating them to the Good Will. When was the last time you went through all your clothes? I swear, it's like going through a time warp.

Also, I have officially spaced bagged some of the clothes I have that do not fit. Actually, these clothes haven't really fit in four years, and I debated whether or not to put them in the Good Will pile. I put some of the unfashionable ones in there, but there are really cute dresses I'm keeping, and I am dieting and cutting back, so this space bag is kind of like a hope bag. Hopefully by the end of summer they'll fit.

Problem of the Day

Do I keep my wine club memberships or do I cancel them? I did cancel one of them... but I have two more that I'm debating about. It's about $50 every other month, plus shipping. I imagine shipping will be more expensive in SoCal then in NorCal.

Wine Club Pro's:

- Wine is good.

- I can't get those wines in SoCal.

- I like wine.

- SoCal wineries depress me... it's not that they're not good, just not as good as NorCal. I need my Amador wines!

Wine Club Cons

- I'm unemployed, which means I'm broke. Now is not the time to charge to the credit card.

- My parents stock a full bar at the house, so it's not like there isn't any booze in the house.

- If I have to activate Plan Z (sugardaddy.com), then I need to slim down. Wine=calories.

Red, White, and Pink Slip Blues

I was drinking my morning coffee and watching music videos when this song by Hank Williams, Jr came on. It's called Red, White, and Pink Slip Blues. I loved it! Check it out...

Plan Z: SugarDaddy.com

So if Plans A-Y don't work out (fingers crossed I make it on Rock of Love Bus II... only slightly joking. Hell, if Daisy can get her own show from it, can't I?), then Plan Z is officially putting a profile up on sugardaddy.com.

Sugardaddy.com is a site where "Sugar Daddies" look for their "Sugar Babies." Or, gold diggers look for rich men to take care of them. Of course, I HIGHLY doubt that hot, rich, men need to post a profile on a website that advertises on myspace... but hey, if it's June of 2010 and I'm still unemployed and living with my parents, I'll have to activate this Plan Z. Just call me 'Sugah.

Eureka! I've got a Plan B!

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be writer.

So far, my writing career has consisted of writing articles for a building magazine (no one can write about floors, doors, and solar power like I can! ha ha!) or snore-iffic press releases and brochure copy.

I've always dreamed of writing a fabulous best-selling novel that would take the literary world by storm. Put tears in reader's eyes, and make Tolstoy sit up in his grave.

And today, my friends, I was finally visited by the muse*.

Today, while in the shower (yes, the unemployed shower... although less than the employed), the muse touched my shoulder and whispered.... Diary of an Unemployed White Women.

Eureka!!! Get me my robe!

Yes, this is what I have been waiting for! For years I felt uninspired to write anything... I've been waiting for that great idea to come to me.

Excited, I called my parents. My dad answered the phone.

"Father," I said, "I have great news!"

"You do? What is it?" he answered.

"I am going to write a book!"

Silence.

"Oh, well I thought you were going to tell me you got a job or something."

"Uh, no. It's only day three of being unemployed. Or is it day four. The days are all the same."

"Here, talk to your mother," and he hands the phone to my mom.

"Mom, I'm going to write a book."

Silence.

I continue, "Uh, you know how I told you I always wanted to be a writer. Well, I finally got a great idea! I'm going to write about a girl who finds herself unemployed and has to move back in with her parents. It's going to be one of those comedic, chic-lit novels."

"What's so funny about that? Are you still going to apply for jobs?"

Sigh.

"Yes, mom. I'm still going to apply for jobs. Consider this Plan B. Something I've always wanted to do, but never had the time or inspiration for."

"Ok. Well, look, Deana. Don't forget to go to the store and get boxes to move."

"Yes, mother."


So, while my parents are less than excited about my new literary career, I'm totally excited! Hope this doesn't lose steam!

*What the heck is a Muse? Check this out. Have you been visited? : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/muses

Advice for the Unemployed, Part I

I've been getting some advice on how I should handle my employment situation, but no advice was better than that given to me by my grandmother.

She told me that if times get tough, I can always be a stripper.

Good 'ol Grams.

Diary of an Unemployed White Woman

Unemployment Day II
Dear Diary,

Today I woke up around 10 am. I probably would have slept in later were it not for the phone ringing.

Determined not to be one of the stereotypical unemployed people who watch talk shows all day, I decided that today was going to be a productive day and I was actually going to do something!

Around 11 am, I filed for unemployment. Check.

And by 3 pm I had applied to three jobs. Check.

Around this time I realized that I was still in my PJ's and Oprah was coming on in an hour -- where had the day gone?

Darn it.