Friday, July 31, 2009

The Douche Bag Mafia

The Douche Bag Mafia has my number... and they keep calling. When once douche fails to dupe me, they just send another one in. Don't they realize that while yes, I am a douche bag magnet, I don't fall for douchebaggery?

I'd rather be single then settle for some guy who loves to play games. One thing I learned is that the Douche Bag Mafia doesn't discriminate when it recruits its members, which makes them sometimes difficult to identify - young, old, etc... I wish that once a member is identified, they would be forced to wear a scarlet letter "D" on their shirt at all times. That would save women a whole lot of time and effort.

The way I see it... what good man doesn't want a 26 year old unemployed woman who lives with her parents and secretly hopes that she can marry well so that she doesn't have to get a real job? Why am I only attracting those that are less than stellar?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

It's Been Awhile...

Yes, fans. It's been forever since I've blogged. But the wait is now over...

Yesterday was a little out of the ordinary for me. Number one, I took a shower. Number two, I left Ramona - twice.

My day consisted of riding horses, shopping with my mom and my grandma, and then going out to a karaoke bar with my sister and friend.

Note, being broke and dieting are the two hardest things for me. Taking me shopping without the ability to buy or taking me to a restaurant or bar without being able to eat or drink is like giving a gambling addict twenty dollars and locking them in a casino and telling them they can't gamble. It's sheer torture! And we all know how I dislike suffering.

While at the mall, of course, everything was cute and on sale nonetheless. And since I'm dieting, I'm down a size, so clothes look that much better. Oh, the irony! Luckily, I had some work clothes I bought awhile ago that I needed to return to a store, so using store credit and a coupon, I was able to buy some new clothes. Since I'm retired from working, my clothes are much more fun and casual. Or, they're for nights out on the town.

While at the bar, I'm proud to say that I didn't drink any alcohol! I stuck to diet coke. Of course - and this is totally true - at least three different random guys came up to our table and offered to buy us drinks. The lush in me wanted badly to get a gin and tonic, but I was strong. "Diet Coke, please," was my response. Sadly, this did hamper my karaoke urges, but that's okay. I can only sing Take My Drink Away (my drunk version of "Take My Breath Away"), Black Velvet, and the hardest Celine Dion songs (the more I drink, the more I'm convinced those notes sound good) so many times in my life I suppose.

Does this mean that I'm growing up? Has being unemployed changed me?