Monday, June 22, 2009

Fitness for the Unemployed

It's been a bit since I've last blogged. I've been super busy the first week that I've been back... you know, hanging out with my parents, riding horses, swimming in the pool, unpacking, going to happy hour, and job hunting. Now that I've gotten through that tough transition week, I decided that the week was to begin on a positive note. And that meant working out and getting serious about dieting.

A few months ago I had decided to join Gold's Gym. It was right by my old place, so it was super convenient. I paid the entire year in full because it was a significant savings. And I figured if it was paid for, I'd make myself go.

Fast forward to me being unemployed and moving back to Ramona. Gold's Gym would not refund my money, and the closest Golds Gyms near me are 45 minutes (without traffic) away.

Those of you who know me well know that working out is not on my list of favorite things to do. Now add a 45 minute drive to the mix and see if I'm gonna be going often. No, I don't think so. And since I'm unemployed and on "welfare," buying another gym membership is out of the question.

So, I decided that I need to do some sort of free exercise. Riding horses and swimming is a good start, but my fabulous cousin, Sara, and I decided that hiking was the way to go and decided to hike Mt. Woodson this morning.

I've never hiked Mt. Woodson before, and when I told my sister that I was going to do it she laughed uncontrollably. "Call me when you're done. No, actually, have Mom call me when you're done."

I arrived at Mt. "What the Hell Was I Thinking" this morning at 9 am. My cousin was waiting for me and we began out trek up the mountain. Thankfully there was a breeze and it wasn't too hot.

I have one word to describe the trail : STEEP.

When Sara and I get together, it is usually an occasion of gossip and laughing. However, this time, I was dying all the way up, and we had to stop every few minutes to catch our breath. It was seriously that steep and tough!

Let's just say that we didn't make it all the way.

But we made it a good portion.

We finished a steep bend and rested on some rocks.

"By summer's end, we'll make it all the way to the top!" Sara said.

"Uhhh...." I said, gasping for air.

"We'll laugh at this in a few months," she continued. "It'll get easier! And to sweeten the pot, I'll take you out for drinks the day we make it to the top of the Mountain."

I perked up. Booze.

"For reals?" I said, my heart rate returning to normal.


"But this means we'll really have to work at this," I said. "We can't expect to gain stamina for this place by hiking once in awhile."

"Let's hike Mt. Woodson once a week. And then another, less steep trail another day of the week."

"Sounds good to me!"

So, Sara and I will be hiking twice a week. Once on Mt. Crazy, and the other on a trail that she says "has hills, but not a continuous steepness."

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Housewife University - Apprentice Program

I know of a lot of people who are either thinking about going back to school or are in the process of getting their Master's degrees.

Not one to be outdone by my peers, I have recently enrolled in the prestigious Apprentice Program at Housewife University, pursuing my Masters in Domestic Engineering (MDE).

Housewife U is going great so far. The program allows you to shadow a professional so you can learn first-hand about this profession.

So far, I've gotten a passing score in Dishes 101. My professor, Dr. Mom, showed me how to properly load the dishwasher, and wipe the counter tops clean. I hear that she's the toughest grader out there... so imagine my surprise this morning when I actually got a passing grade.

Tomorrow, I'm taking "Jam Making and Canning 105." Dr. Mom's neighbor has a peach tree, and gave us a bucket full of peaches. Tomorrow's lesson is making jam and canning. This could be useful if I take a liking to the gardening portion of the program.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Bank of the Parental Units

So my parents have offered to pay off all my credit cards, and allow me to pay them back without interest. For those of you have have credit card debt, you know that the interest payments add up over time.

However, this deal required me to fess up about exactly how much was on the credit cards. Not that it's an extraordinary amount, but still, the fact that it's there showed that I spent more than I should have. I told my mom the number, and she said OK.

A bit ago I called my parents, who were on their way to go wine tasting in Temecula, to tell them about a horse I wanted, and my dad said (with his Serbian accent), "No horses. No nothing. You can't buy anything for a few years. By the way, I'm your new money manager. Everything you buy must now go through me. You will live under instruction."

Ohhhhh helllsss nooo.

"So, uh, I guess you talked to Mom," I said.

My fingers are crossed that when they pay off my cards they'll just look at the dollar amount, and not go through the transaction list and see everything I have bought.

I can only imagine that conversation.

The Harsh Reality

Leave it to my mother to give me a slap of reality so early in the morning. This morning I was chatting with her on the phone, and I was telling her about one of my favorite shows, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. In the last episode, one of the housewives, Caroline, had a personal trainer come to her house three times a week to work out with her and her kids.

The conversation took place as we were discussing where we were going to put all my furniture. We were figuring out where we were going to move all the gym equipment if I had to put my furniture in the "gym" aka, my sister's old room.

"Mom, on Real Housewives, Caroline has a trainer come a few times a week. We should totally hire one, too." I said.

"Deana. You're on welfare." she said.

"Unemployment..." I corrected her.

"Do you think that moving here will be like going away to a spa for you? I don't think so. You're broke. And you're going to do chores this summer."

And with that, I was bitch-slapped back into reality.

And no, we're not going to hire a personal trainer. Damn recession.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Weekly Score Card

Jobs Applied to: 7 or 8, I have lost track
Calls Back: 0

Monday, June 8, 2009


Housewives are fabulous woman who for one reason or another stay at home (taking care of the house, and children if they have any) while their husbands are at work.

Now that I'm unemployed and staying at home all day, I'm basically a housewife without a husband or kids. I think that makes me a "HouseSingle."

HouseSingles have it made. Usually there are not kids, and you get to stay home. And, you don't have a husband to complain that you didn't go to work. Granted, HouseSingles like myself do have to deal with their parents (or roommates, as I like to refer to them).

But, HouseSingles don't have a husband's income to depend on. No worries, though. Nanny Government has me covered. On I Love Lucy (which conveniently still runs on TV during the day), Ricky Ricardo used to give Lucy an allowance, and now Nanny Government gives me an "allowance." So, it's almost the same thing.

Back in the day, when women didn't work, a woman who was a HouseSingle was referred to as a Spinster. Now, I much prefer the term HouseSingle to spinster. And since I'm beginning to edge closer to thirty without any husband prospects, the term spinster gets scarier and scarier.

Note that I do not own a cat. Well, we have a family cat (her name is Gwen), but she lives in the barn and minds her own business.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Coffee Filters and One Liners

This morning I woke up after a night of hard partying with my Sactown homies (I was out until 11:30, way past my bedtime) in need of coffee. Big time. Mama didn't mess around when it came to drinking her Gin last night.

I grabbed the bag of coffee filters and realized that only a few were left. Shoot, I thought. How many coffee filters do I have left? Will they make it through the week?

Here's the thing. When I had a job, I would drink coffee at the office, and only really brew coffee on the weekends. That damn bag of coffee filters has pulled me through since I lived in my Trinity 'Hood condo with you-know-who. Why, oh why, was that bag going to fail me now! Especially when we were in the home stretch, and so close to the finish line.

I counted them.

And from the looks of things, after Tuesday, I'll be filterless. As in, I'm-not-going-to-go-to-the- store-to-buy-a-bag-of-coffee-filters-when-I'm-moving-on-Saturday, and my parents have a never ending supply at their house.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Soap Operas

I just want to say that since I have been unemployed, I have not watched soap operas once. NOT once. Last thing I need right now is a soap habit. Drinking was hard enough to give up (err..cut back), but soaps are ever harder. And the only time I watched a crappy daytime talk show (The View and Regis and Kelly don't count... they're morning talk shows. Quite different from daytime talk shows.) was while I was at the gym. I swear.


Yes, I used to watch soaps when I was a kid. Only because my mom watched them. The sad thing is that I can watch them now and the same damn thing is going on as it was back in the day. Once you get sucked in, it's hard to give them up. Took me four years of working to get over them.

Also, did you know that I was born during General Hospital? Fun Deana fact.

Sacramento: The Character Building Years

As my time in Sactown comes to a close, I can't help but think back about what has transpired over the past four years.

I arrived in Sacramento four years ago. Young, naive, and in love. I had never lived without my parent's support, and this was the first time I was officially out on my own. I had decided to take a chance on love, and moved up here for... gasp... a man. Silly girl. Oh, sweet, silly girl with stars in her eyes.

Graduating from college and trying to find a job in a city where I had no contacts or friends was tough, but I was lucky enough to find a great first job - and I'll be forever thankful for the wonderful opportunity. In fact, minus the layoff, Sacramento was good for me, career-wise. Thanks, Sactown.

If I could go back in time to talk to 22 year old Deana as she was making the decision to move to Sacramento, I would say this:

DV 26: Young Deana, you're crazy. Stay home and be a good girl.

DV 22: Is that a grey hair I see?

DV 26: Yes, and never mind that.

DV 22: What is Sacramento like?

DV 26: It's not bad. You hate traffic, so this is a good place for you. Rent is cheap, too, compared with SoCal.

DV 22: Should I buy that condo with "You Know Who?" (I won't name names of the guilty in this blog! That's saved for the other blog... the one I only write when I'm drinking.)

DV 26: I forget that you're living in 2005, and the housing boom is in full swing. Hard as it is to believe, the market is going to crash soon. Don't buy. Especially in August of 2005. Don't do it!!

DV 22: Whatever, what do you know? This market is never going to crash. "You Know Who" and I just qualified for a loan - even though I don't even have a job - and we don't have to put anything down. We've already got our deposit in, so we're going to buy that condo, damn it. We're not even going to negotiate, because if we waiver, there are 5 people behind us who'll snatch it up. Got to act fast in this market, baby. If we wait, the next place we find will be even more expensive and we'll be priced out for good.

DV 26: Shouldn't you wait to buy something until you're engaged? I HIGHLY suggest it. HIGHLY. In fact, don't move in together until you have more of a commitment. Seriously.

DV 22: "You Know Who" promises we'll be engaged by our anniversary. If not, I'm leaving him. But we're so in love and I know he will. I might as well start planning the wedding. If not, we'll just sell the condo. By that time, it should have appreciated nicely and we'll make a bunch of money. No harm, no foul.

DV 26: You see this grey hair?

DV 22: How could I not. How come you don't have highlights anymore?

DV 26: Highlights are too expensive. You'll find that out when your parents are no longer supporting you. And when you find yourself single and 100% on your own.

DV 22: Uh... girl. Why are you single? What happened to "You Know Who."

DV 26: You'll find out soon enough. Two words for you: Cougargate 2007.

DV 22: Whatever. So, like, what else should I know before I leave for Sacramento?

DV 26: You'll make some good friends up there, and it's important to always be thankful. Always remember your family is there for you and loves you. Friends and family will pull you through the hard times. Also, driving in the rain isn't so bad. You'll get used to it.

DV 22: You're looking pretty tan and relaxed. And why do you smell like whisky?

DV 26: That's because I'm back in San Diego and unemployed.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Weekly Score Card

Weeks unemployed: 1

Jobs Applied to: 6

Calls back: 0

Interview: 0

Chapters written: 1

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Movers and Shakers

I've decided to dish out the cash to have movers come and get my things and take them to my parent's house in Ramona. It actually doesn't cost very much more than if my parents were to drive all the way up here, rent a large U-haul, and then drive back.


- I don't have to schlep furniture up and down the stairs. Physical labor and I don't get along. Come on now.
- All I really have to do is pack.
- The movers will come and pick everything up, drive the 8 hours, and then unload everything.
- Costs about the same as if we were to do it ourselves.
- I won't be fighting with my parents as we load/unload everything. Trust me... that in itself is worth the money!


-None that I can think of, unless of course they take my stuff and disappear. Which they promise they wont. Yes, I asked.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Hard Candy Christmas

I was singing on Myspace Karaoke (don't judge), and came across a great song that I remember from the musical movie "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" staring Dolly Parton. If you haven't seen this movie, rent it ASAP. This is also the movie where the hit "I Will Always Love You" originally came from.

The song "Hard Candy Christmas" is my new theme song. Here's the set up: The Whorehouse has been shut down, so Dolly (the madam) had to give all her working girls pink slips. So, the song starts as the newly unemployed (theme here...) whores try to figure out what they're going to do now that they've lost their jobs. If my life was really a musical, this is probably the song I would've sang while driving home after getting the ax at work...

Oddly enough, this song now hits the radio during Christmas season. I guess anything with the word Christmas in it makes it a Christmas song. But, it's not a Christmas song. It's the anthem of unemployed woman.

Here's the song and video clip from the movie. Enjoy!

Packing Isn't Fun

Countdown to moving back to Ramona is in full swing. While I don't know the exact date I'm moving, I know that my apartment must be completely vacated by June 26, so moving will be sometime before then.

Yesterday I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy storage containers and packing items. I got a few boxes of space bags for my clothes, a bunch of containers, and a nifty little device called "Shoes Under." I can fit 12 pairs of shoes in each shoe under, and I bought two of them. I'm not sure if that will hold all my shoes, but we'll see.

One thing I learned at Bed, Bath, and Beyond is that everyone has their own problems. While shopping in the storage section, there was a lady on the phone yelling at her husband. She was probably in her late 20's/early 30's. Then she called her friend to complain about her husband. Then, she turned to me (as I was trying to find a lid to a plastic container that wasn't broken, talk about quality products!) and started complaining to me about her husband and how he doesn't understand why she has so many shoes and how it's causing problems int he marriage.

Uh... lady, there are bigger problems out there then not having enough shoe storage.

She said men don't understand anything. I had to agree. I didn't elaborate, of course. But those of you who know my dating history know that I can write an entire blog on commitment and other men/relationship issues. But that's another blog for another day. Another day that includes a box of wine and several dateless months, but I digress...

I simply smiled and nodded. I should've pointed her to the "Shoe Under" display, but didn't want to get into it with her. She didn't seem the type who was looking for advice and I wasn't in the mood to give out free words of wisdom.

So, this weekend I went through all my clothes and set aside all the clothes and shoes I don't want and will be donating them to the Good Will. When was the last time you went through all your clothes? I swear, it's like going through a time warp.

Also, I have officially spaced bagged some of the clothes I have that do not fit. Actually, these clothes haven't really fit in four years, and I debated whether or not to put them in the Good Will pile. I put some of the unfashionable ones in there, but there are really cute dresses I'm keeping, and I am dieting and cutting back, so this space bag is kind of like a hope bag. Hopefully by the end of summer they'll fit.