Eau du Desperation

Desperation. That is the scent the women were wearing at my latest attempt to find a man. But at least Desperation was better than the scent the men were wearing, which was Eau du Lame.

Yes, my friends, I embarked on the lowest form of dating known to man. No, I didn't hook up with a guy from Craigslist... but, I did go...

SPEED DATING.

It sounded so hopeful. Sounded like it could be fun. And it took place in my native habitat, a wine bar.

The advertisement showed happy, attractive singles mingling and chatting... guaranteed or your next event is free! College degree required, ages 27-35.

I went with my dear friend and fellow blogger Alison, and when we arrived we were greeted by a Phoebe from Friends lookalike, who was wearing a fur vest. She signed us in and we proceeded to go to the bar to grab a glass of wine, and met up with some other friends. The group of girls and I peeked out the window and saw a group of misfits awkwardly waiting around, and we took another sip of wine and knew that our dreams of meeting Mr. Right - or heck, even Mr. Right Now - were smashed once again. Might as well get drunk and make a night of it.

The set up was this: each girl was sitting at her own table, and every five minutes a new guy would come to your table and talk. After five minutes, they guys would rotate. Everyone had a paper and you either circled "yes" or "no" about whether or not you were interested in the person. After the event, you turn in your paper and are notified of any mutual matches. Sigh. I didn't even turn my paper in. It was that bad.

There were nine girls - all really nice and attractive (ok, one was way beyond 35... but at least she had the balls to get out there!) and any guy would've been lucky to have gotten a date with them. The men, however, well... I don't want to be mean. But let's just say that I'd have had better luck at finding a date trolling a McDonald's parking lot and luring men with a box of wine. Nuff said.

I was polite to all the men. I engaged in nice conversation. I asked them questions. Karma is a bitch that way... if I would've been rude, then who knows how it would've come back to me.

So, the bottom line is this: Speed dating is not the way to meet men. But, it was a good entertaining time, and I'm glad that I gave it a try. I could've just sat at home with my parents catching up on shows that were on the DVR, but I didn't.